Motivation in the Shit Storm

Oh hi there...maybe you don't know me, or maybe you stalk me on the regular. I find people who cross my path are of one of those two camps. So which ever it is...hello.... In all likelihood, regardless of which camp you're in, you probably don't even know I have a blog page on my website, because it's been a hot minute since I have taken the time to sit down and write an "official" blog post.

I looked back...my last blog post, which was a bit of a hit, was in response to an article posted on "ScaryMommy"...about a bunch of excuses to not engage in self care. To which I replied with a blog post at the end of 2019, you can read it here. And as I was deciding to write a post tonight I thought, "I wonder how many more excuses she's come up with during the shit show of Covid to not engage in any form of self-care." Maybe this woman and I will cross paths some day.

Once again, I'm not claiming perfection during this Shit Show we call "Covid". And maybe you will look at the fact that I own a gym and say...fuck that, it's easy for her to stay active when we are in lockdown.

So first let's counter that claim. My empty gym makes me angry, very angry. And depressed, like super sad. It also makes me anxious, because I depend on the income from my empty gym to feed a lot of very hungry mouths. So no, owning a gym doesn't make it any easier for me to maintain my motivation during all these lockdowns.

For some time now I've been thinking of making a list of the non-Covid SHIT I've overcome, while simultaneously growing my gym. Why? Why would I want to do that? So you can look at me and say "holy fucking hell, she's some kind of superwoman." Nope. I don't want that from you. In fact, you saying that would likely make me want to toss a kettlebell in your general direction.

I'm not a some kind of super woman. As I like to say, I'm just some girl. Some girl who, after her first husband chose suicide, picked her drunk ass up off the kitchen floor and made something of her life. Some girl who, when I was at my very, very, very darkest points, looked to other widows who were in far "worse shape" and said...I'll be fine. These other women, who were widowed at much younger ages, or in far "worse circumstances" are managing...and I can too.

Ever heard of Erica Roman? She's my kind of "widow famous"...you can read her blog here. She was widowed at 24 years old, found out she was pregnant with her second child at her husband's funeral. I often thought of her when I was feeling sad about being widowed at 36 with three children. Made my story less sad.

So if sharing some of what my shit storm of 2020 looked like - as well as some of the amazing things that happened to me in 2020 - will help even just one person regain their motivation during our current lockdown...well, then I've done my job.

Here's the Coles Notes...
Awesome - trip to Panama with my daughter and some amazing women
Shit Storm - caught that "high maintenance" husband I referred to in my previous blog cheating on me, kicked his ass out
Awesome - same daughter was accepted to University with a big ass scholarship
Shit Storm - Covid - first lockdown, gym closed
Awesome - met an amazing man, he's somehow managed to stick around, seems to love me a lot
Shit Storm - ex-husband facing criminal charges, major legal issues
Awesome - we get to do outdoor classes
Shit Storm - loss of a tenant at the gym leads to major expenses and massive business restructuring
Awesome - said loss leads to a ton of new opportunities
Shit Storm - daughter drops out of school
Awesome - amazing man moves in, he must be crazy to love me so much
Shit Storm - daughter's eating disorder hits a climax which lands her in an expensive treatment facility
Awesome - clientele at 90% retention, lots of media coverage, growth in online programs
Extra Awesome - more than one tattoo appointment (aka therapy)
Extra Awesome - joined both my girls in a head shaving fundraiser
Shit Storm - find out I can't see my baby girl at Christmas
Awesome - although missing her, Christmas with said amazing man was incredible
Shit Storm - gym is closed again...no end to Covid in sight
Awesome - my baby girl comes home
Awesome - online programs and partnerships are growing and keeping me afloat
Extra Awesome - this amazing man and I are approaching our 1 year anniversary and somehow, I haven't scared him yet

Maybe my story isn't half as bad as yours. Maybe you lost a loved one during this time, couldn't have a proper funeral. Maybe you were diagnosed with something life threatening. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

So what's my point? Somewhere in the midst of picking myself up off the kitchen floor I started to repeat something to myself.

"This I can control,"

I couldn't control how my so-called friends were treating me. I couldn't control that my kids were sad about not having their Dad. I couldn't control a lot. But I could control what I ate. I could control the amount of movement I got on a regular basis. I could control my own physical and mental health. I could CHOOSE every damn day to make myself a priority. So that I could be a better Mom to my kids.

Now I CHOOSE to maintain my fitness because I have 100+ "kids" who expect that from me. And they look to me for motivation. They know every single bump in my road. I don't keep secrets from my clients. Ever. They see me cry. They see me in pain...I don't pretend it's all sunshine and roses. Ever.

And then they see me sweat. And work shit out on the gym floor. They look to me for tips on how to keep that up when the gym is closed. And they get it. Create a routine. (Fun fact, motivation will only get you started...you need HABITS to keep you going). Commit to yourself. Find a way to make it work.

Motivation doesn't come from some outside source...it comes from you. Deciding. Everyday deciding to do a little better than the day before. Everyday deciding that you WILL take care of yourself...put your own mask on, then take care of the rest of the people in your life.

​No Pressure. No Diamond.